The first time I heard the term “ghosting” was from my daughters. I heard one of them say, “My friend said this guy ghosted her”. Multiple visuals popped into my head including Patrick Swayze. So, I asked what they meant by this. They laughed and went on to explain to their trend lagging mom that this is the term for when someone you are talking to abruptly disappears without explanation. They use this term in dating apps. If the target of interest vanishes after chatting, after a date, or several dates, you were ghosted. The person simply stops answering texts and/or calls. Poof. Gone.
I suppose we’ve all been in that position before. We didn’t know how to tell them “Sorry, I’m just not that into you.” But if you’ve been on the receiving end of it, the sting of rejection, especially if you had no idea that train was coming, still doesn’t feel too good and can actually leave a mark.
After learning this apparitional new phrase, I started to notice how it applied to business. During a recent business networking event I was telling a couple individuals about an experience I had with a local accelerator program. The woman promised to send me information but instead she disappeared. I sent her another email reminder but again…nothing. I laughed and said, “I was ghosted!” The two men abruptly and in unison raised an eyebrow, so I went on to explain what ghosting means and how I believe this dating term also occurs in business. They laughed, but clearly recognized the correlation and agreed.
Let’s flip this. Who have you ghosted lately? I’m not talking about inadvertently forgetting to reply to an email or call. We have all done that. I’m talking about making the conscious decision that you’re not interested in the business deal or dialogue, so you just ignore their email, text and/or call when you see it come in. Do you think to yourself, “They’ll get the message.” and just move on?
Let’s look at the real damage that we create when we ghost in business. First of all, it is clearly unprofessional. What if you busted your ass to create a presentation and without warning the most important person you’re pitching to stands up, walks out and never talks to you again. How about your doctor decides to go golfing mid-way thru your breast augmentation? One boob in and he’s out. Ridiculous, right? The medical procedure doesn’t exactly apply to business, but you get my drift.
Think about the last time you were ghosted. How did it feel? What did you do? If you’re like me, you had a fencing debate with yourself about how to handle it. You may begin to second-guess yourself and wonder if you’re failing some how. You stare at your phone or computer and wonder if you should call or resend the message. Let’s not even think about the feeling you get once you’ve gone through all those emotions and actually reached out again but….crickets.
Personally, I follow the three strikes and you’re out rule. But, what if you’re in sales? Persistence often pays off or the old adage that the squeaky wheel gets the oil? When do we know we’re really being rejected? Obviously different circumstances prompt different behavior and the point is to communicate.
My goal in this blog is to shine a light on this so we recognize and overcome the urge to ghost someone. I’m working on this myself. What it boils down to is paying attention to how we reject others and how we handle rejection. Rejection makes everyone uncomfortable but ghosting is wrong. I plan to implement my mother’s advice to follow the Golden Rule. Simply put, treat others how you want to be treated. Let’s all become a ghost-buster.